I know a guy that once worked for one of those package delivery services (you know, like FedEx or UPS). One day he had to go to the bathroom so badly that he simply could not hold it anymore.  With no public restroom in the vicinity he was forced to empty his bladder into one of those (previously unoccupied) padded envelopes, as he hid from view in the back of his delivery van. While this story makes me laugh every time I think of it, I can definitely sympathize.

As a former elite bicycle racer with many hours in the saddle I know all to well what it’s like to be on the edge of dampening my drawers.  In the sport of bike racing there are skills that one learns allowing them to take care of such matters sans stopping your bike. Such skills are not easily mastered and in my experience used only as a last resort. Kind of like the situation above.

The bottom line is (no pun intended), we’ve all been in situations where we had to “go” and there was no designated place, to go. On that note I thought I’d take the opportunity to talk about the dos and don’ts of “going on the fly,” or “Code Yellow” as I prefer to say.

First of all public urination is against the law. While in the countryside it’s more acceptable than in town, it’s still illegal.  National Parks may seem like the country but they are not. It would be bad to get caught going in a National Park. Be aware and be as respectful as you can while committing such an act.

Find a spot out of view of others. We don’t need to see you, it’s not that funny! Please don’t leave paper or other “business” lying around. Take it with you or burry it. Also remember, if you expose yourself in public you can be put on the sex offenders’ list.  That can’t be good!

My friend Penny just reminded me that it’s also advisable to check for poison oak prior to dropping your drawers in the bush.  A case of poison oak on your undercarriage can really put a damper on things.

If you want me to teach you how to pee while riding your bike I can do that. However, it’ll cost you…