Physical Funness for the Motion Starved

Fit more fun into your fitness while exploring the outdoors.


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“Do not crawl on the stairs”

Because I can

I was almost defeated by the six little words, “do not crawl on the stairs.”

I lay in bed Saturday morning thinking, I don’t have to go, I could just say I went. The rain was pounding, not even my cat was bugging me for her breakfast. It was 5:30 am, I didn’t need to be up for an hour but I couldn’t sleep. I lay there trying to convince myself that it wouldn’t be that bad. I had been fine all week, until I read the “race information packet.” I skimmed the pages looking for something that I didn’t already know and then I saw it, “ you may run, you may walk but do not crawl on the stairs.” What? Crawl? Why would anyone crawl on the stairs? Was this event so tough that it brought people to their knees, requiring them to drag their half dead bodies up the steps? Holy shit! What had I gotten myself into?

All night I thought about those six words, “do not crawl on the stairs,” over and over they swam in my head. Finally I pulled myself out of bed and found the coffee-making gear. Two massive cups of Peet’s later and I was feeling better, although my legs had begun to shake. I texted Penny to asked her, “Why do we do this again?” Immediately Pen responded with “because we can.” It was seeing those words in the window of my phone that calmed me down. She was right. Because we can. I could do it, the feeling of relief almost made me cry.

As my oatmeal brewed Mo offered last-minute words of advise and support. My support crew had come through once again. I was calm and ready start the insanity!

Entering the underground parking garage at 555 California was not as smooth as I had imagined. Between the pouring rain and the fact that every car entering the structure had to be searched, there was a bit of a delay. However, once cleared by the Bomb Sniffer Dude I was free to enter the concourse and stand in the rain along with thousands of other nervous people waiting to retrieve our race numbers, timing chips and the coveted, event t-shirt.

The start was smooth. Racers went off at 7 second intervals, you walk up to the line, they snap your photo, you hear, beep, beep, beep and when you hear the loud BUZZZZ, that’s your cue to go like hell.

Off I went, trotting up the cement steps, gray, gray, gray all I could see was gray. I refused to look at the floor markers on the wall, they would mess with my head. It wasn’t until my ears popped that I looked at the marker, I was on the 24th floor. Wow, almost 50% done. I then realized that I was someplace high up in the sky. It seemed strange for some reason. I looked at my watch, 8 minutes.

I picked up the pace and passed a Fire Fighter in full gear having a hard time. Yikes, I thought, good thing there’s no fire.

At some point a dude in baggy drawers entered the stairwell from a water station, for some reason he was under the impression that I might like to chat as we climbed. I decided this was a good time to get a sip of water so I ditched into the hall hoping to lose Baggy D.

A quick sip of water and I was off again, up, up, up and then, damn, there was Baggy D. I put the hammer down to get away and began to notice a steady stream of raspy, gasping sounds rapidly approaching from down the stairwell. As the racket bared down on me I kept my eyes straight ahead looking only at the grey steps. Then, a huge foot wearing one of those shoes that look like a foot appeared to my left. Fat treaded toes attached to a leg that took two steps at a time. The next thing I saw was a muscular rear-end, then, as rapidly as it appeared, the foot the rear-end and the gasping vanished, never to be seen or heard again.

It was after being passed by Big Foot that I really picked up the pace. I came upon a Fire Lady wearing shorts and her big Fire Lady jacket looking like she’d seen better days; again I wondered what goes on when there’s a fire. I looked at the floor marker, it read 50th floor. Holy shit, only two more floors? It must be a trick (I really did think that!). But alas it was no trick. I arrived at the 52nd floor, somebody immediately said, “smile” I looked up, they snapped my photo and I trotted down the hall into the Carnelian Banquet Room to a throng of clapping, cheering, photo snapping people. It was over. Time on my watch said 14:20, unofficial time (official time, 14:00!). Not bad, I thought.

I’m glad I did it. It was fun and for a good cause. I’ll do it again but next time I’ll go a little faster knowing that I won’t need to crawl. That’s my only regret, I finished the race with gas left in the tank, or money left in my pocket as Laurel used to say (but that’s a story for another day).

When I got home I looked at the event t-shirt for the first time. It was bright cherry red; the usual sponsor logos covered the back. The copy on the front read “I climb because I can.” Words to live by…


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T-Minus 24 hours

A day at the beach

Happy Friday everyone. For me this week has flown bye.  Lots of family dramarama, this nasty weather and the anticipation of my little stair climb tomorrow has kept things moving at a frightening pace. Maybe that’s a good thing? While the added stress has me a bit put off, sometimes distractions have their benefits. The key is to find my focus on race day.

Anyway here we are, T-minus 24 hrs. In spite of the shitty weather I went for a little run along Baker Beach this morning to loosen up the legs. I must tell you, there’s nothing better than a run along the beach in the rain. Nobody was out, not even the naked guys. I easily found my rhythm and had a fantastic run. I’m ready, I’m hydrated, I’m rested and I’m lookin’ forward to kicking some serious stair climbing ass!

Why am I doing this? I signed up for this event thinking that I might encourage some of you to joining me. I thought it would be a relatively easy goal for anyone to accomplish and because it’s a very good cause. After all, I am rather fond of breathing and I am fortunate in that my lungs are healthy so I wanted to do what I could for the cause, as well as those of you who seem to want to reach new fitness heights. That and the fact that I like doing new and different things and this is something I’ve never attempted. Maybe more of you will join me in the next challenge?

So, there you go — I start climbing tomorrow at 9:00, be a sport and send me some good juju between 9 and 9:20, breath deeply and frequently. Hopefully, this stair climbing business will take me less than 20 minutes; I’ve got shit to do. Kra-zy! I’ll send an update via twitter if you’re interested. Check me @motionstarved or on this site under the photo to the right.

Stay dry and I’ll see you next week, kiss, kiss…

P.s. Weather Lady says the sun is on it’s way back to SF next week! Hang in there!


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A friend is someone you can depend on

Gracias Skinny!

Meet Skinny Scott, Mr. Skinny, or sometimes I just call him Skinny. Skinny doesn’t mind that I call him that; he knows he’s a little skinny. You should know, just because Skinny is skinny, that doesn’t mean he can’t kick the shit of the peeps down at the dojang and if you see Skinny on his bike and you’re near a hill, you should just get off and walk, cuz Skinny’s gonna mess with you. That’s what he does. He loves to hurt people on the hills, a benefit of being “skinny,” but either way, that’s Skinny’s way.

Anyhow — Skinny is my very good friend, without Skinny there would be no Motion Starved. I would not be here, nor would you. Imagine how life would be… I dedicate today, the last Friday of winter, 2011 to Skinny and to friendship.

The next time you hear from me it’ll be spring. A time for rebirth, renewal and regrowth. An exciting time full of energy, warmth, hope and endless opportunities if you’re open to them. Let us all enjoy this last weekend of winter, rest up, recover from your St. P’s Day activities and get ready, a new season is upon us!

In the spirit of friendship I want to thank all my friends (you know who you are, right?) for their support and encouragement while I venture into the world of fitness and twitter, and spewing my words across the entire universe. I wish us all a springtime full of love and adventure and amazing stories!

Thank you!

Till Monday…

P.s. “It is better to be in chains with friends, than to be in a garden with strangers.”

P.s.s. There’s gonna be a Super, Ginormous Full Moon this Saturday eve, check it out!


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Do whatever pleases you today

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Admit it: drinking green stuff is fun, no matter how old you are. Lets raise a glass today and make a toast to family, good health and good friends.

My Mom is The Sample Lady at a hoity-toity grocery store in Southern California. It’s the absolute perfect job for her, although she doesn’t see it that way.

I’ve never actually seen Mom workin’ her samples, but I have a pretty clear picture of what it must be like to come upon her at her table of petite bites of food. You see, Mom’s not by any definition what you’d call a “people person.” According to Mom, the people who come to her table are all “a bunch of fat pigs.” Most of them, either wealthy housewives or “spoiled brats” from the high school across the street. Apparently more than once Mom has told a greedy customer “you’ve had enough, go away.” While I think it’s pretty funny, I find it especially karmic, it wasn’t long ago when Mom’s favorite Saturday activity to go to Costco for “lunch.” Mom would push her cart right up to the edge of sample table so that nobody could get between her and the food samples. She would sample everything; if she liked it she would sample it again just to be sure. Mom would strategically move from table to table, sometimes picking up her pace if it looked like someone might get there before her. Even then she complained about all the “ fat pigs.” I find it especially amusing that she doesn’t see the irony in this. And they say there’s no such thing as Karma!

I digressed — what I wanted to say is that today Mom is making Colcannon for those brave souls that dare approach her sample table. Colcannon is a traditional Irish dish of mashed potatoes, milk, butter, cabbage and onion. Mom said “I don’t think it’s on your diet Kelley, but it’s yummy.” With that, here’s a recipe for Colcannon, it sounds gross to me but you may like it. I’m gonna celebrate today with a couple of glasses of Irish Whiskey and some green cookies. I know, probably not on “my diet” but WTF it’s a holiday! My advice, do whatever pleases you today!

I leave you with a St. Patrick’s Day Blessing

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.

Cheers!

P.s. I love you Mom!


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Never underestimate

Friday, March 11, 2011, the day we all waited for the tsunami to hit San Francisco. We waited and waited but alas, like the snow, it never came. A blessing in this case.

I decided in case the 600-mile an hour wave did show up, I would take my stair running workout to the Lyon Street steps rather than to my favorite place, the Baker Beach Sand Stairs.

Off I went to Broadway and Lyon. Clad in my ultra cute Lululemon togs with the purple trim and a too tight Nike tee that showed off my previous days arms and pecs workout. My hair was finally long enough to pull back and I was feeling like All That!

10 minutes of warm up exercises, a mile run and I was feeling like a million bucks. My goal, 5 times up the 286 steps. A goal that didn’t seem too high as it was not uncommon for me to climb more than that in a work out. If I reached today’s goal it would mean that my base was firm and that next week I would be ready to add a 6th round, confirming that I was more than ready for the Fight for Air Race in two weeks.

Up the steps I went. “Push, push” said the voice in my head. Swinging my arms from cheek to cheek I found my rhythm and was doing great. The second time up I took the steps two at a time (that was hard!).

Feeling the burn, but still confidant I noticed a woman who had managed to stay just ahead of me. I wondered when I would have to navigate around her and that annoyed me. From what I could see, she was “elderly,” covered from head to toe in black sweat cloths and a big floppy hat. I waited a second at the bottom to allow her to make some progress, surly she would get in my way at some point, after all I was All That.

About ¼ of the way up the stairs for the third time I noticed “Grandma” slowing down so I made my move and picked up my pace expecting to blow past her. To my surprise Grandma was working me! Sensing me, never looking back she moved faster and faster, matching my gain, toying with me, keeping me just off her heals.

As we approached the last 50 steps the woman started taking two at a time jumping from step to step! In epic fashion neither of us looked over at the other, we were neck and neck now, flying over the steps in unison as we approached the final stretch. I was in shock! Who was this woman? The voice in my head now yelling, “GO! GO!” I made the crossing of the final step first. “You won” the woman said, but frankly I couldn’t see at that point. My glasses were fogged, eyes full of sweat and my breathing so labored that I couldn’t respond. If I won it was by a very thin hair. I walked a few feet to get my legs back but by the time I turned around GM had already started to descend the stairs preparing to come back up again. Ugh I thought!  Not again, I’m screwed!

I only made it back up the stairs one more time (4x’s total). GM was ahead of me the whole time. I didn’t (couldn’t) challenge her.  While my ego was certainly put in check I was very much inspired by this woman.  I’m going back next Friday to look for her. Something tells me she’s a regular, someone who enjoys being fit and enjoys “working over” those whose egos are badly in need of adjustment. A woman after my own heart! All I can say is, YOU GO GIRL!


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Look where you’re going!

Rule #1 — Your bike goes where you look. Look at the ditch and you go in the ditch. Notice that the camera in this video, which is mounted to the riders helmet is always pointed just up the road, always focused on the best line of travel. Never does he look over at the many hazards, not at the dog and not at the tape when he gets close to it. He safely navigated this insane ride by looking only where he wanted the bike to go. And that ladies and gents, is what they call a man with superior bike handling skills.

Take note. Think about this the next time you’re out on a bike.

P.s. Watch this video in full screen or up on the wall if you have the capabilities. It’s cra-zy!

P.s.s This insanity  happens on the streets of Valparaiso, Chile. The Valparaiso Cerro Abajo Race is a legendary urban bike race.


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Spread the love

I love you!

This photo warms my heart! I love the dogs, they just love, love, love all the time, no matter how cranky you are.

My neighbor is a nasty woman. I’ve known her for 30 years and she’s always been nasty. It’s a shame, there is no visible reason for her to be so nasty but because she’s so mean her life has become miserable. Everything goes wrong for her; she has no friends, can’t keep a job and spreads her nasty attitude so nothing ever changes for her. Guess she never heard that you get what you give.

Seriously, on those days when you’re in an especially good mood doesn’t it just seem like things fall into place? Everything goes right and more often than not the love just snowballs and everything in life seems easy and wonderful.

Since Valentine’s Day I’ve been doing a little experiment.  I didn’t tell anyone, it was my secret. I decided to make a conscious effort every day to take niceness to the next level. All I did was pay a little extra attention to the people I cross paths. I didn’t go crazy I simply paid attention to the people around me. I was uncharacteristically patient and nice while waiting in line for half an hour at the post office. I chitchat with the boy behind the counter at the grocery store for longer than I normally would have and smiled at strangers rather than snub them. Stuff like that.

On my way to do errands the other day I walked past the man who owns the restaurant across the street from my house. He was taking in the “open” sign. For 3 years we have been crossing paths and for 3 years we have smiled and said “hello”. Today when he said “hello” my lips smiled extra wide and I asked him how his day had been going as I had noticed that his restaurant seemed busier than usual.  This small effort turned into 2 hours of chatting, lots of good coffee and a really yummy brunch that my new friend prepared for me in his closed for the day restaurant. More importantly it felt really nice to be nice. I felt good, my new friend felt good and now we are both rolling the Feel Good Snowball.

After my brunch I went home to clean up the garbage that my nasty neighbor had tossed over the wall into my yard. I considered tossing it back over to her side but I couldn’t do it. My initial reflex was to toss it back thinking it would say, “you Crazy Cow you can’t toss trash in my yard and get away with it!” She had made me angry and I realized that she was spreading her nasty–tude and melting my Feel Good Snowball, I wanted no part of it. I picked up the trash, put it in the bin and that was the end of it. Feel Good Snowball still intact and rolling.

Be nice. It’s infectious and it’s fun to see where your snowball will roll, and whom it might roll into.

I leave you with a quote.

If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile.  – Author Unknown

 


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Help wanted

The hills are alive

People ask me “how do you come up with things to write about every day?” My response is, “It’s easy, I just write about what crosses my path.”

Today while chillin’ at the nail salon waiting for my manicure to dry, I thought “let me check Twitter and see what folks are yacking about on this rainy Sunday.” Scrolling through the tweets I spotted one that read “Unusual 10-Second Exercise For Fat Loss That Doesn’t Even Burn Calories – But Fat Disappears!” Normally these messages only serve to annoy me so I scroll right past them, this time however I had to take the bait.

Here’s where things take a turn for the absurd.  The Twitter feed took me to a website titled FASTWEIGHTLOSETIPS (all one word, all in caps). That in itself made my head spin. Negotiating the page full of ads and paragraphs of miserably spaced copy I came to the gist of the “Unusual 10-second Exercise.”   Here goes – unedited, directly from the FASTWEIGHTLOSETIPS site itself (although I had to fix the word spacing it was just too much to bear!)

Iח a word… HORMONES!

Yουr hormones aren’t doing tһеіr job. Due tο a long list οf things іח ουr food supply аחԁ environment, ουr hormones аrе really messed up аחԁ unbalanced.

Bυt tһеrе′s a way tο stimulate уουr hormones іחtο being balanced again. A simple way.

Tһаt way іѕ spinning around Ɩіkе children. Yου know… іח a circle wіtһ уουr arms out. Yeah, іt mау seem ridiculous, bυt tһіѕ motion stimulates уουr Endocrine System іחtο working іt’s “magic” wіtһ уουr hormones.

Here’s a simple outline tο ɡеt tһе mοѕt out οf spinning.

1. Spin clockwise.

2. Spin around 5-15 times (depending οח уουr level οf dizziness).

3. Spin οחƖу until уου аrе slightly dizzy.

Yου MUST follow those 3 rules. It wіƖƖ take уου a few times tο realize һοw many spins іѕ rіɡһt fοr уου. Don’t ɡеt tοο worried аbουt tһаt. I suggest уου ѕtаrt οff οח tһе low side οf 5 spins јυѕt tο bе safe.

It’s a powerful exercise. Jυѕt bесаυѕе іt’s easy аחԁ unusual (fοr weight loss) doesn’t mean уου саח ɡο crazy wіtһ spinning. Tһіѕ exercise doesn’t need tο burn calories bесаυѕе іt goes down tο a much deep level іח weight loss… hormone-induced weight loss.

One last piece οf advice. Yου wіƖƖ need tο ԁο аt Ɩеаѕt 5 sets οf spins everyday tο ɡеt tһе best weight loss effect frοm tһеm.

Lets be fair, It may work. I can’t say because I’m not about to spin around in circles five times a day. Frankly, it would make me puke and that would mess up my hydration level, which would definitely mess up my hormone levels causing all sorts of other problems.

However, if there were anyone out there reading this that would like to take a stab at weight loss by spinning I would absolutely love to hear about it. Seriously, anybody want to take the Thin by Spin Challenge? Let me know, I see some really good stories coming from this…


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Random bits

Happy Friday!  I know some of you are pretty happy the week is over. I hope the weekend serves you well and you find yourself rested and recovered in time for Monday (or, is that a stupid thing to say?).

Today I’m sharing some tips from my friends.

  • Drink your water – Marathon Louie thought he was “all that” by doing a nice tempo training run and then attempting what he assumed would be an easy spin class. Unfortunately with all the training ML lost track of his hydration level. With that, the double workout proved too much for the lean, fit gent. Post “spin” Louis spun himself right onto the floor and awoke to find himself sprawled out and surrounded by some very nice EMT’s. His advise. Drink up!
  • Wash your stuff – Skinny Scott wanted me to remind everyone to wash their fruits and veggies. Even the ones that you plan to peel. It’s not just about obvious dirt, it’s about all the nasty stuff that gets on there from all the different folks handling it.  Mr. Skinny found himself with a case of “The HoneyMustards” after eating a mango that he peeled but must have picked up some fungi from the cutting board. Best way to wash your stuff is to run lots of water over it. Just to be safe, Skinny suggests washing the pre-washed lettuces that comes in a bag. Need I say more?
  • Sleepy? – Nancy The Guit wondered why she was tired all the time.  She was sleeping well at night, eating right, getting plenty of vitamins and her hormones were in check but she still felt sleepy all day.  What’s up with that, she thought so she asked her Doc and found that she was taking twice the recommend dosage of melatonin.  She’s now cut back and behold, she’s not tired anymore. Watch your dosage, take the recommended 3 mg at most and when you wake in the morning turn on a bright light to trigger your body to stop making it’s own melatonin. More is not better!
  • GP-2011 says “lube your business” – Body Glide is for beginners, too. There’s nothing like getting ass-burn, or chafed cheeks from a vigorous workout. Anywhere you sweat and have a little friction is prime real estate for chafing—arm pits, thighs, butt cheeks. GP recommends body glide, Vaseline, A&D ointment—she’s even used her kids’ diaper creams—use whatever you’ve got, but the body glide is greaseless, easy to roll on, and doesn’t smell like baby powder. Better lube your business, or you might feel the burn—and not just in your muscles.

Learn from their mistakes, I’ll see you on Monday. Next week I’ll come clean and let you have a look at my abs.  We’ll see if all those crunches from my ab challenge did me any good. Stay tuned…


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Help! I’m trapped in my togs!

A few years ago (15) I put on a skirt that I hadn’t worn for a while only to find that it had become so tight, that the zipper got stuck, and I had to literally cut the skirt off my chubby rump. It was humiliating and not an easy task. Imagine taking a sharp cutting instrument to the bottom hem of a very tight, knee-length skirt and contorting your hand so that you can cut up the front, between your legs, past your belly to sever the waistband and free yourself. Believe me, it’s not easy, in fact, in my attempt I managed to snip a chunk of fat from my tummy. Crying, I looked in the mirror and vowed never to get stuck in my cloths again.

Well, it’s happened again, not once but three times!  It’s those darn drawstrings they put in our spandex bike shorts and fitness pants (the ones that are continuous so you can’t tie a bow). While I love them and actually seek them out, at times they cause major distress.  Once, while on a bike ride I was desperate to take a code yellow when the loop knot in my bike shorts wouldn’t release.  After a few attempts to untie the knot I finally had to use brut force to break the elastic as to keep from wetting my chamois. It was not easy, those drawstrings are extremely hard to break. Just yesterday, it was my nice, very expensive Lululemon togs. Twice now I’ve had a really hard time keeping the drawstring from locking me inside my Lulu’s. I got out once by squeezing free, but the other time I had to use brut force again. Frankly, I am a bit pissed and have decided to look into the matter for instruction should I find myself in this situation again.

Here’s what I found — After wasting my time looking online, I decided to swallow my pride and call the always happy to help gals at Lululemon.  I was told that when you can’t get the knot untied, you should gently loosen it with a safety-pin until it opens up. Dooh! Why didn’t I think of that?  Guess I’ll be roaming around with a safety-pin attached to my pants for now on. Just in case.

There you have it. Consider yourself informed.